NEW PRODUCT: Vanity by Jopen

Who is Jopen? Why are they so vain? We don't know. We don't care: we're just love their Vanity! Finally a line of seriously powerful waterproof rechargeable toys that are more versatile than a simple bullet (I love you Jimmyjane Form 2, but the thing you do great is kind of the only thing you do).

A shockingly hot purple smooth silicone that sears its way into your mind Jopen's Vanity line almost seems to darken its eyes at you - you know that moment when the light dims across everything but the gangster moll's eyes in the classic movies right before she seduces the foolish fall guy? That sounds crazy, but trust me, when you get your hands around one of these 12 scorching little numbers, you'll know exactly what I mean.

If you've been afraid to leave the batteries behind because you couldn't get close to the power of some of the bullets and rabbits that require a staggering 3 or 4 AA or AAA batteries, we may finally have found a solution that will get you into the wonderful world of extended warranties and rechargeable waterproofing.

This first generation of sleek and stylish battery-free massagers has had its share of ups and downs, but this is the first of the generation to offer a bit of an undulating, rotating up-and-down of its own, and all without blatantly stealing its design cues from Lelo and Jimmyjane like some that will remain nameless. And talk about seamless construction, almost no lines on the thing, anywhere. Amazing.

I don't even have a picture of these hot toddies to share with you: you're going to have to call or come to one of our 13 Condoms to Go or Sara's Secret" locations to get the skinny-low-down on these guys.

A little bit of an investment and a one year warranty for all the power and 100% more freedom than the the standard wand-style massager: why not? You're so vain, I bet you think this toy is just for you ;)